Geek Force is working on a cartoon, Geek Force, the Webtoon. Find the hidden link on this page in order to see pictures of Geek Force

Most issues of my comic will likely be releaed late in the day, but it will always be before the day Wednesday ends.

Email me, dog:rick@geekforcehq.com, and be sure to check out our new privacy policy, which goes nicely with the new ads from the sponsors of my kickass webcomic. Also, be sure to check out Geek Force, the Webcomic and Redphantom's Blog, which features poltical commentary and short stories...with political commentary. Redphantom's latest story is The Nightmare Machine. Check it out.

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Hi, I'm Rick the Crytozoologist. You may have noticed that I have my very own gag comic 
starring me. You may have asked yourself how this came to be. Maybe not. But you should 
have, because the story of how I coerced Geek Force into making me a gag strip is really 
funny. So funny in fact that it has been known to cause miscarriages, heart attacks, and 
Gliosarcoma. That's right, this story is a carcinogen.  And I'm turning it into a blog. 
Why when I'm such a badass? To show Redphantom that I can blog. Anyone can blog, jackass.
And make shit up. That's right, Redphantom, I can make shit up too. I might make some shit 
up right now. Right in this blog post. 

This story starts with me meeting Redphantom. He told me that he makes some shitty 
Webcomic. Like, it's about these guys being superheroes, but they never really do anything
heroic. They mostly just talk about their views on politics, then it's like...evil land 
lord. And people are trying to kill them. And we're in a world drawn by a retarded person.
There are no elbows or text bubbles. And, it's so full of plot holes and continuity 
errors that it is a quantum physicist's wet dream. After I finished telling Redphantom 
ways he could improve his Webcomic by canceling it. I went on and told him what I do for 
a living. I'm a Cryptozoologist. He told me that he didn't believe in monsters. I told him
I don't believe in that sandwich he was eating. Then I told the bartender I didn't believe
in him, so I wasn't going to pay him. Then I ran around the bar telling everyone I didn't 
believe in them. I got thrown out. Luckily, Redphantom walks everywhere, so I was able to
stalk him. After scaring the shit out of him, I made him a deal. He and his friends would
go on an expedition with me. And afterwards, they would believe in the supernatural. If 
they didn't, I would get them a new artist for Geek Force. If not, they had to make me a 
gag strip. 

I got to Redphantom's place at 7am in the morning on the day of the trip. He was there 
with Stephen the Grand, Dustin, Teaspoon, and Terry. They were all ready to go with there
backpacks and their hats and their sunscreen. The first words out of Redphantom's mouth 
was, " are you late? And I told him that he didn't know how hard it was to prepare 
for this trip. Then we all got in my ride, which is a giant model of the lockness monster,
and set out. There was a stereo and speakers in my transport, so I thought I would be nice
and ask my crew what music they wanted to play. Teaspoon wanted to listen to the raps he 
recorded last night, so I told him that he is self centered. Then Redphantom suggested 
Remez. The first song on the album was called Sonderkommando which I thought was nice and
not morbid. Redphantom started to explain that Remez meant allegoric meaning and was a 
Kabbalah term, but I told him to stop. I told him he was boring. No one wants to hear 
about how Sonderkommando is about how Israel is destroying it's own legitimacy by 
committing war crimes. No one. No, the song is about prisoners forced to shove other 
prisoners into a furnace to kill them. Leave it at that. Don't ruin it with a 
"meaning. 

We arrived at our first stop on our cryptid search: the laundry mat. I started to do my 
clothes and then my cryptid meter went off. That meant a cryptid was close. I told 
Redphantom, Teaspoon, Stephen, Dustin, and Terry that my equipment indicated that the 
cryptid was up this man's ass at the other end of the laundry mat. I told them that they 
needed to take my metallic grabber and reach up the man's ass and get it out before it 
burst out and killed everyone in the laundry mat. They didn't want to do it. But after I 
told them that they just didn't want to do it because they were afraid of finding out 
cryptids are real for fifteen minutes, they did it. While they did that, I flirted with 
women. I have a life. I don't sit around writing crap and making Webcomics all the time. 
Terry pulled out the grabber from the man's ass, and it only had shit on it. Like, 
literal shit. Feces. Maybe there was some stomach acid and some mashed potatoes now that 
I think of it. Anyway, the man was pissed, and so were the geeks. They said this proved my
equipment was faulty. I had a better explanation. You see, it went off because this man 
ate a cryptid. Obviously there were still traces of it in his poop. I showed them that 
the equipment went off around the shit, proving my theory. The man didn't believe me. He 
said he was going to sue me. That's when I hit him with my Benjamen Franklin approved 
camera taser. Then I asked him if he would like me to pour water on him and hit him again.
He said no. So, I told him to forget this happened and that we were never here. 
Cryptozoology is a dangerous business. Lay people just don't understand why we have to do
what we do. We got in the lockness monster and left. 

Our next stop was a run down house. We were going undercover as a paint crew so that we 
could look for cryptids in the house. I had the guys paint though, while I checked my 
email and played video games on my laptop. I couldn't finish that by the time the house 
was painted, and I couldn't find any cryptids. It was a shame. I also pocketed the money 
for the job. Because I'm the leader, and the leader gets the money. I let the guys have 
brunch after this. They ate sandwiches and shit they brought in their backpacks, thinking
that we were going into the forest or something. Most people don't know that 90% of 
cryptid sightings take place in the city. So they ate their packed lunches and I ordered 
pizza. And I ate it in front of them, and didn't share, because they had their own food. 

We went to a statue shop after this. Like a store that sells statues. It was cool. I owe 
the owner some money. So, I went there to move his statue inventory into the store. I told
him I brought my crew to help out. The geeks seemed pissed, but, when the owner pulled out
a gun, they all agreed. I explained to them that one of these statues was surely a 
cryptid. I dropped one of the statues, and then a few more, until I dropped statues on 
everyone's bottles of water. I told them all that it was really hot, so maybe I should go
and get some lemonade for us all. I went and I was going to go to the grocery store but 
then I thought about it. Why should I help the man? Especially in this poor economy. I 
should go to a little girl's lemonade stand. To help the local businesses. So I drove 
around for about two hours until I found a lemonade stand I liked and where people 
wouldn't run from the lockness monster. I ordered one glass of lemonade and charged it on
credit. Then I drove off. When I got back to the geeks, they were all sweaty and exhausted
and they had moved a lot of the statues. I told them that I had a really hard time finding
that lemonade. I even got lost in town square and circled it eight times. I told them 
about how it sucked that the lockness monster didn't have air conditioning so I was really 
hot. Then I drank the glass of lemonade. After that, I mostly supervised as the rest of 
the guys moved the rest of the statues. 

The ride in the lockness monster was tense after that. The geeks threatened to beat my ass
except they were to worn out to do it from moving the statues. I knew this was just pussy 
talk for, "You have a huge penis and huge muscles and we won't fuck with you. Still,
I felt sorry. I told them about how I wasn't feeling well that day, and my cousin just 
died. And I said to make it up to them, that I would buy them dinner. So, we went to the 
grocery store. And I told them to get whatever they wanted, hot pockets, pizza bagels, 
Popsicles, brownies, chili, burgers, tacos, burritos, bread sticks, Chinese...it didn't 
matter, especially since the lockness monster had a microwave. We got all of our stuff and
went to the checkout. I didn't have enough money to pay for it all, so I asked the geeks 
to throw in some case. You know, since they were eating. We went back to the lockness 
monster and I threw them some vinegar, onions, celery, a package of string cheese, peanut
brittle, and a bag of potato chips. I don't know why they got pissed off, I put the potato
chips in the microwave for them so they wouldn't be cold. You just can't please some 
people. And of course, I got McDonald's for myself. I just like fake food. And I knew that
they were hippy pussies who wouldn't. So I got them real food, and they got pissed as I 
ate my fake food. 

Then we all went to a high school football game. The geeks didn't see why we needed to go,
but I explained to them that my nephew was the mascot. Plus the mothman could show up. 
During half time I went to the bathroom. I put on a ghost suit and ran out into the field.
I hit the mascot with a golf club. Then I took out spray paint and started graffitiing 
the field. I also broke some of the football players knees with the golf club so they 
could never play again. A man came out and started shouting about the mascot. About how 
he was his son and all this bullshit. So, I went up to him and said I was the ghost of 
one of the seven people he killed. And he got away with it. So I got revenge by using a 
golf club to make his son impotent. The man started screaming about how it was an 
accident and he didn't mean to. Then I sprayed him in the face with spray paint and beat 
him with my golf club. Then I ran off. The geeks got to the lockness monster first. I 
watched as the security features let them in and then locked them in. Then I got in my 
alternate gettaway car and drove off. I drove around until I got to a small hiding place 
of mine. I would tell you about it, but it's a secret. 

I have a bike there. It is pink with training wheels and a basket. The basket is full of 
Cryptozoology newsletters which come with free hunting knives. There is a red wagon 
attached to the bike. It has a stereo inside of it with big ass speakers. I put that 
Remez CD I stole from Redphantom in the stereo and drove around. I also threw newsletters
onto people's yards as I went. Then the Remez song Oppenheimer Fatman began to play. Just 
as it got to the lines, "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds, glutton of doom,
consuming entire continents. Just when it got to that line, a drug dealer attacked me. So
I took one of my hunting knives and I stabbed him. Then I had sex with forty seven 
bitches. I also dropped of my newsletters at some churches and a school. Then I got back 
to the geeks. They were pissed. I told them that since I was kind of a douche, I would 
drive them home and not make them walk. 

I told them that I was really sorry that we didn't find anything. But you can't find a 
cryptid on every expedition. Then I told Redphantom that it looked like his house had been
broken into. Because the door was off it's hinges. Plus all the windows were broken and 
all of his stuff was in his yard. And the stuff was broken and had been peed on. Teaspoon
said the pee smelled a lot like apple juice. Then Sasquatch came out of their house. I 
told them that cryptids could appear anywhere. Redphantom, Stephen, Dustin, and Teaspoon 
beat Sasquatch until his mask fell off. Then they turned to me and told me I was a hoaxer.
I thought it was obvious. Why would I need to make people believe something if it is true?
Then I asked them what gave it away. Then, Redphantom's cat came up to him. And Redphantom
got all emotional. Because apparently his cat died. And it had come back to life. Then 
this chick came out and laughed at Redphantom because it was all a joke. He got pissed. 
She said she did it because he wouldn't believe she was a vampire. I decided to spear the 
bitch with a wooden stake just in case. Then, I made a video of Redphantom doing it. And 
being really pissed off. And going on a rant about how he is tired of vampires. And 
scaring everyone else, even me. 

Then Redphantom told me to leave. I told him no, because he still had to make me a gag 
strip. He said no, but I pointed out that I said, "After this trip you will believe 
in the supernatural. I pointed out that this counted. So, now he has to make me a gag 
strip. We signed a contract. And, since I am the star of a webcomic, he has to get me a 
trailer. And stock it with bitches. And fruit rollups. And pizza bagels. 

This was a long time ago. I was in town recently and asked Redphantom for an update on it.
He showed me this forty page script. He said he wanted to introduce these Asian kids I 
use to complete the scam. That way I could have them running from the cryptid. He told me
all of this stuff. So I went and looked at his Twilight Zone Boxset. And I told him it 
represented his dreams. Then I threw it into a woodchipper. I told him that the new comic
would just be a gag strip. And it would be dedicated to my personal beliefs. Nothing else.
And I told him that if he ever slipped up on our contract again, I'd sue him. 

So that's it. The end.